Straight friends gone gay

Walking down a crowded side street, I saw one of the loveliest men in town, a straight ally. He greeted me warmly, hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek. I thought happily, how times have changed! Changed expectations are hard to erase. Generational change is not the same everywhere.

Cities attract people who take diversity more in stride. We have more work to do to help people see that differences are not a threat. Something I have experienced more frequently in recent years is straight men who enjoy the company of gay men, and even flirt with them. They are not interested sexually, but neither are they threatened in any way.

I find it refreshing. I have had straight neighbors like that. One was a mix of Anglo and Asian. He is the kind of person who lights up any room he is in. Normally in the morning he darted down the back stairs; but if I was leaving for work at the same time, he rode down the elevator with me, because he found me amusing.

Once he said he had a sore shoulder from a sports injury, and I said I gave a very soothing massage.

Can Gay and Straight Men Really Be Friends?

He laughed in a way that melted me into the floor, but that was as far as it went. After he moved to Virginia to live with his girlfriend, I encountered them at the annual high-heel race on 17th Street in Washington the week before Halloween, which draws large and diverse crowds. There is a prominent Washingtonian with whom I feel a close friendship, as distinct from a professional one.

He is straight and happily married, but then I myself am in a committed relationship. The public figure and I have a lot in common on policy matters, but we are also simpatico at a personal level. As time passes, I increasingly meet him more as a friend and confidante than an advocate.

The mix of affection and desire varies from case to case. Respect that grows with understanding increases the comfort level, as does a sense of humor. I have a dear friend with whom I lost touch decades ago when he moved to another city. We reconnected a few years back via the LinkedIn networking site.

He and I were very close in our late 20s. We felt a natural connection. There was love between us, but I also desired him, which he could not reciprocate.