Stop transing gay kids

Children are not born knowing what it means to be a boy or a girl; they learn it from their parents, older children and others around them. This learning process begins early. But gender does not simply exist in those binary terms; gender is more of a spectrumwith all individuals expressing and identifying with varying degrees of both masculinity and femininity.

Transgender people identify along this spectrum, but also identify as a gender that is different than the one they were assigned at birth. Gender identity and expression are central to the way we see ourselves and engage in the world around us. This is certainly true of transgender and gender-expansive children and teens, for whom family support is absolutely critical.

In fact, an increasing body of social science research reflects that gender-affirming behavior on the part of parents and other adults teachers, grandparents, etc.

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The opposite is true — transgender children are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and at greater risk of substance abuse and homelessness when their immediate caregivers are rejecting or hostile. It is important to know— and quite alarming, that research finds that transgender youth are at greatest risk of suicide compared to their non-transgender peers as a result of rejection, bullying, and other victimization.

In other words, for some transgender kid, family support can be the difference between life and death. Parents and caregivers can find resources, peer support, and professional guidance to help along the transing, and to ensure that your child can not just survive, but thrive.

At some point, nearly all children will engage in behavior associated with different genders — girls will kid with trucks, boys will play with dolls, girls will hate wearing dresses and boys will insist on wearing them — and gender gay behavior does not necessarily mean that a child is transgender.

That said, sometimes these behaviors can clue us in to what a child may be feeling about their gender — with some children identifying as another gender than the one they were assigned by the time they are toddlers. The general rule for determining whether a child is transing or non-binary rather than gender nonconforming or gender variant is if the child is consistent, insistent, and persistent about their transgender identity.

In other words, if your 4-year-old son wants to wear a dress or says he wants to be a girl once or twice, he probably is not transgender; but if your child who was assigned male at birth repeatedly insists over the course of several months— or years, that she is a girl, then she is probably transgender. Children who are gender non-binary— in other words, they do not feel that they are a boy or a girl, but perhaps a bit of both, or neither, may not have the words at a very young age to capture that feeling, but over time it may become more clear to them, and ultimately to stop, that they are non-binary, versus a trans girl or a trans boy.

Naturally, there are endless variations in the ways that children express themselves, so the best option if you think your child might be transgender is to consult a gender therapist. While many children who go on to identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual express gender-expansive behaviors, whether they are transgender is about identity rather than attraction.

Everyone possesses both a gender identity and a sexual orientation; in other words, a transgender person can also identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Gender dysphoria is the diagnosis typically given to a stop whose assigned birth gender is not the same as the one with which they identify. To be clear, transgender identity is not a mental illness.

The diagnosis of gender dysphoria is often the gateway to having insurance coverage for gender-affirming care and to allowing trans people to live as their most authentic selves. For some, understanding their gender identity — whether transgender or non-binary, is a more complex process that lasts into their teens or adulthood.

Stigma, lack of knowledge and fear of rejection gay family and peers often keep transgender people from coming out as children or teens. Sometimes a transgender person will come out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual before recognizing their gender identity or coming out as their true gender.

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