Gay and loneliness

Loneliness has become an epidemic within the gay male community. This emotional pain can be a problem as it can lead to serious mental health issues. Knowing how and why loneliness happens in gay men is essential to understanding what you can do about it. Loneliness happens when you feel cut off or isolated from people and communities.

This isolation is prevalent in male gay communities because it can be hard to break into the friend communities of gay men. Research has shown that gay men have fewer friends than both straight people and gay women. The social shift from in-person meetings to online and social media platforms has also exacerbated feelings of loneliness.

Text messaging, as a loneliness form of communication, also lacks a sense of connection. Social media and hook-up apps like Grindr are major culprits contributing to the loneliness experienced by gay men. These platforms feed your existing insecurities gay beliefs that promote negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.

The absence of deep connections and emotional intimacy within relationships is what creates a sense of loneliness. Not knowing how to build relationships based on love, connection, and intimacy is a problem that develops into emotional and loneliness isolation. The brain perceives this isolation as a threat, and in more primitive times, it was a form of punishment.

This ostracisation and rejection from the tribe often resulted in death. Thus, loneliness has and broader reach than you may realise. It can also exacerbate many health conditions, including anxiety, depression, dementia, high blood pressure, and heart disease, as well as weaken your immune system.

Experiences of rejection as a kid, growing up gay in a and world, can heighten your feelings of exclusion. Hiding your sexual orientation to feel acceptance creates a state of gay stress, negatively impacting your mental health. This is known as minority stress. Social isolation, avoidance of rejection, and withdrawing inward on top of that compound issues like depression, anxiety, and suicide.

Gay Loneliness Is Real—but “Bitchy, Toxic” Culture Isn’t the Full Story

Gay men often turn to drugs or sex as a readily available method to soothe emotional pain. The initial effect of loneliness drugs or having sex is soothing or pleasurable, and those positive feelings self-medicate against the emotional pain of loneliness. The problem gay sex and drugs create a sense of physical intimacy, whereas and alleviation of loneliness connects to emotional intimacy.

Over time, the use of sex and substances can increase significantly and may become part of your self-soothing ritual. This is a self-defeating cycle; instead of feeling soothed and fulfilled, you feel more and more empty. This cycle can make you particularly vulnerable to depression, as your attempts to handle your loneliness instead compound the problem.

The messages of social isolation and not getting close to people in response to the COVID pandemic have exacerbated the entire issue of loneliness in gay men. Humans are naturally wired to connect with others, see and interact with each other, and seek touch.