Could my boyfriend be gay

Why straight spouses may be the last to know. Discovering or wondering if your partner might be gay or bisexual can be an emotionally complex experience. It's a deeply personal topic that can stir emotions for both partners. Sometimes, straight spouses of gay or bisexual partners are the last to know about their mate's sexual orientation—the reasons for which can be complex.

There are many reasons why partners may not share their sexual orientation for many years. Societal attitudes, religious beliefs, or a fear of rejection are potential reasons. Or they might worry about how coming out might affect their children. In other cases, they may have only recently recognized their own identity. Sometimes, though not always, infidelity is part of this pattern.

Regardless of how it happens, finding out your spouse is gay or bisexual can leave you feeling rejected, confused, hurt, or anxious about what it means for the future of your relationship and family. Keep reading to learn more about why someone may delay coming out to their partner, how you can approach a conversation with your spouse, and when to decide if it's time to leave the relationship.

I Felt My Boyfriend Was Gay or Bi Immediately, But He Flatly Denied It

Unless your mate shares their sexual orientation with you, there is no way for you to know for sure. So-called "signs" that your spouse might be gay, such as the way they dress, talk, walk, or look, are not indications of sexual orientation. Neither are behaviors such as a preference for anal sex or other sexual practiceserectile dysfunction, watching pornhomophobic behavior, being evasive or secretive, or hanging out with friends of the same sex.

All of these can and do occur in people who are straight. Coming out could be a stressful event, both for the gay or bisexual spouse and for their partner. A person may avoid coming out due to their love for their spouse or because of their sense of dedication to their children and family.

They may also feel uncertain about how their sexual identity fits within different contexts of their life. Some married couples do choose to stay together even after one partner comes out as gay or bisexual. Navigating this new relationship dynamic can be challenging, but couples may be gay if they:.

Of course, staying in the relationship may not be the right choice. It's important to consider your own needs and to determine if you both can feel happy and fulfilled in your marriage. Coming out is a difficult process for both partners. Seeking external support from a therapist and friends can help both spouses determine their next steps forward.

No matter what has led you to wonder whether the partner you thought was straight might actually be gay infidelity is boyfriend one concerntake a careful approach. Don't assume your spouse is gay simply because you're experiencing problems in your marriage. For example, if they don't want to have sex with you, there could be many other reasons for a lack of sexual desire.

Instead, approach the situation with an open mind and listen to the reasons they offer for their behavior. Try not to ambush your partner with a difficult conversation.